Asking for some help.
Hi, my name is Chris. I am 25 years old and I am writing this in the hopes that you will hear me out. I want to first state that I am not whining or complaining but simply asking for a helping hand. I have had it rough for a long time now and I don't want to become another statistic of America's ignored sick. I have 13 chronic diseases for which there is no cure. I first got sick at the age of 6 with iga nephropathy, a kidney disease that causes your auto-immune system to attack your own kidneys. They gave me a steroid treatment and it went away, until I turned 12. In the summer of that year I suddenly felt more pain than I had ever felt before in my life. I called my mother to come home and take me to the ER and curled up on the floor in the fetus position until she got home. I was pissing blood and in so much pain I couldn't think straight. By the time she got me to the hospital I was vomiting stomach acid as I had nothing left to vomit. They stabilized me and put me on percocet for 6 months. Right around my birthday I got my first kidney stone. I again ended up in the ER, got an IV stuck in each of my hands 5 times because the guy was new. I was again vomiting stomach acid. They stabilized me and again sent me home with more pills. I ended up addicted to percocet. After seeing many doctors and specialists I was told I was going to die. News that crushed my entire world. I was then told that if I went back to playing soccer and took a hit to the kidney that would end my life right there. I played anyway even with a kidney stone and for a while I fought my way through the illness.
Over the next 5 years I would end up being diagnosed with multiple other illnesses and conditions that slowly ripped away at my ability to function as a normal person. It took 5 years for them to finally do the same treatment that worked at age 6, which put it in remission again, but by that point damage had been done and I was gaining more and more problems. I would end up being diagnosed with hypercalciuria (the cause of my kidney stones and I have had 25 to date and 3 surgical extractions), rheumatoid arthritis (causes pain in every joint and eventually I will lose a lot of my flexibility because of the bones morphing), fibromyalgia (causes pain from head to toe to the effect of feeling as if tiny needles are being stuck into your body over and over while your bones ache as if they were about to break and feel freezing cold), hyperthyroidism (my thyroid is slowly failing), acidreflux/gerd (causes burning in my chest and stomach acid to travel up your throat if it is not kept in check or you eat anything too spicy which happens to be the food I like), prostadynia (a believe it translates to prostate pain and is caused by high stress which I will get to), prostatitis (causes inflammation of the prostate and makes it so that I can't even go to the bathroom at times unless I try so hard that I almost black out and have in the past), epiploic appendagitis (causes just as much pain as kidney stones that has no treatment available other than pain killers), hypoglycemia (causes me to get shakes and sets off my nerves if I start to get low blood sugar and can and has made me pass out), I as a result of these illnesses and other factors also have, depression, anxiety disorder (panic attacks are horrible), and lastly OCD which is so bad I will repeat the same action so many times that I start to wear my fingers down to becoming raw or sometimes bleeding, or standing for 30 minutes flipping a light on and on until I can move on from it), I also as a result of multiple things, pills causing dry mouth, the gerd, the depression, and lack of money for dental care, now have 5 missing teeth, every other tooth in my mouth is broken, and I will be needing dentures by 30.
Things at home were bad already with all of that but on top of it my family was not taking things well and neither was I given everything I was going through. It resulted in lots of fights, a temporary separation of my parents, and two suicide attempts the first being stopped by my parents and me having to drink charcoal, the second no one knew about and no one knows how I didn't die because I took every pill of every medication I had and somehow woke up the next morning. I would then get kicked out of the house and I spent two days homeless which it doesn't take much time being in the situation to utterly destroy your world, feelings of hope, and any desire to move on. However the reason it only lasted two days is because of a choice I made which in hind sight I wish I had just stayed homeless. I went to the hospital nearby and told them I was suicidal, I figured they would put me in one of the mental care facilities nearby that would allow me to collect myself and figure things out. I was wrong. I had no insurance so they sent me to a class 5 facility that has people that are too crazy for prison. I was also stripped of every medication I took for my illnesses and was going through withdrawal while in this place. The bathrooms had piss and shit from the floor to the ceiling every day even moments after they were cleaned. I was harassed by other "patients" (prisoners) and was told they were going to kill me, rape me, etc. I made allies with one of the strongest guys in the place and was able to stay safe through the "friendship". The place they sent me is Cherry Hospital in Goldsboro North Carolina. A place that is known for patients killing the nurses, other patients, and some patients dying from health complications because the nurses were too busy playing cards.
My mother fought with them to release me and I got out after a 72 hour hold. I got home and while I tried to make things work with my parents, my dad has been a major problem in my life until recently and my mother would always side with my dad out of fear of him not loving her, their relationship has only recently become a healthy one and for a long time things were very fucked up at home. My dad tied my mother up with a phone cord and locked her in a closet for not cleaning the house well enough and failing his white glove test. That took place when I was too young to remember, but the stories were told quite vividly to me by my mother. I was at home for a week or so before I found my current fiance online on a website called OK Cupid. Things started going south at home and I saw the same patterns that lead up to me being kicked out before, which was basically caused by my mom miss hearing what I was saying and then telling my dad that I was harassing her. She is currently so sick she is dying and the issues between me and my mother were a result of her illnesses and mine. I would say I love you to her and she would hear "fuck you". So seeing things going south I moved in with my fiance and we have been struggling to keep our heads above water ever since.
I am unable to work as a result of all the illnesses I have, I never finished the 9th grade because I missed too much school, I did however take my GED and scored top 10% in the state and at a college sophomore level. I have tried for disability and medicaid but they denied me based on not having worked enough hours. I have been sick and disabled since 12 which as you know is below the legal working age, so it is a catch 22. I have tried working the few jobs I could find, McDonalds lasted a month, I tried Foodlion and while working at Foodlion I passed out on the pallet of food I was using to stock the frozen foods, they then fired me saying quote "I didn't take my job seriously". Had I known what I know now I would have sued. I tried other jobs here and there but could never keep up and ended up having to quit or being fired.
I have had hard luck on many fronts for most of my life and I really just want to be able to do something with my life that I can actually do. I want to get into art, I enjoy music and would like to try my hand at it, I also like to paint and was told by my art teacher in highschool that my painting is at a quality of a german painter who makes millions though I can't really afford the supplies to try my hand at that as a way of income. My dream is to become a psychologist and be able to help kids that have been in or are going through things like I have and use my experiences to help save others from some of the things I have experienced.
I am looking for a hand to help pull me out of this hole and help me get on my feet. I know there are many others in this world suffering and I know that there are others that could use a hand more than myself. I want to become successful enough that I can pay it forward and start helping those people.
I don't know in what way you can help or if you will or what the outcome if any will be of me writing this. I just figured I had to try. I don't really know what else to do. I am going to keep moving forward regardless, I just would like some help getting to a better place faster than I can do on my own. There are a lot of things I need help with such as medical care, dental care, financial aid, college, computer etc. I just don't want to spend the next 25 years of my life barely crawling forward.
Thank you for listening regardless. - Chris aka Caydnn
Replies to This Posting
RE: Asking for some help.
I understand, and good luck to you as well.