So i had a bday dinner with one of my best friends last night who always gets on me because he cannot believe i still carry this koRn torch YEARS later. he understands the change in sound (somewhat) but doesnt understand why jonathan is still 'whining"....I must say this, and this goes for ANYONE who deal with emotions. i -still decades later, have been dealing with issues. They dont just go away. Doesnt matter how much medication you take, because u just change it anyway, everything is still under the surface. I turned 34 this past tuesday. I was excited. But i knew it was coming-the EXTREME lows. I had my VIP experience two weeks prior which was an extreme HIGH for me so i knew it was just a matter of time for the LOW. The very next day after my birthday, the LOW came. I had a customer at work who already creeped me out TOUCH me and not in a good way. that was all it took. Shot me back years of therapy. Made me feel dirty. made me second guess myself that maybe "i" was too inviting. Everything spiraled from there. I then went at my manager this 22 year old brat because she clearly hates me why i dont know. But because of what happened, i was delicate to everything. Was like being a child again. Its hard to deal with emotions. Im still trying to overcome what happened this past week. Im 34 and work at starbucks because this is all this shitty economy will let me. Im lucky to have a paycheck for $221 a week. Its hard. But i have no idea what this week will bring. So basically point of this blog, is i explained to my friend why he has to understand why jonathan may still "whine" as he says. You cant hide how you feel,and NO ONE should tell you how to feel. We all cope in our own ways just hopefully not in a way to harm ourselves or others. Im gonna do my best to remain possie. I have no idea if im goin into work tomorrow and still have a job. But im gonna let the universe guide me where she may. I hope you all do the same. Again love to you all as always. And NEVER let people tell you how to feel