So, One Time, There Was This Girl...
10,000 years ago I was a freshman in high school and I met this girl. She was a Junior. She was the most pretty, weird and funny girl in the entire school. And the first one who ever really talked to me. I still have an image seared into my mind of her half smiling after a joke that she made at my expense. After a semester I worked up the nerve to call her house. Somehow we ended up even hanging out after school a few times. Sometimes it would even be on the weekends and we would meet up at the Arcade or the Pool Hall. Her and her crew of Riot Girls actually befriended me. I felt so boss. Then one day she was not at school. Then another day went by. Soon it was a week. Then she just dissapeard. It was devastating to me. After she left, her Riot Girl Cronies all turn on me one by one. It was pretty awful.
Then 13 years go by and I learn about this ancient thing called myspace. You could look for people that you know using this. "Perfect" I thought. But there was a catch. Everyone used a stupid ass alias on there, so finding someone was not so easy.
Then came along this stupid farce of reality called FaceBook, and for whatever reason, people abandoned myspace for it. It is essentially the same thing, but people use their goddamned real name on FaceBook for the most part. So I searched and I searched. Lord did I search. Everytime, before I logged off, I would search. But still, nothing. I was beginning to think that she was never real to begin with. Still when I think of her, she seems like I created her for me. She was that much a dream for me.
But then, one day outta the clear green, I see her name on one of my friends posts. It appeared for all this time that I had been adding and extra L to her name. That is why I could not find her. Fuckin never heard of Proxy, Face Book? Guess not. When I saw that beautiful exotic name of hers, I actually rubbed my eyes and shook my head, much like when a cartoon character sees a mirage in the desert when they are dying of thirst. I just looked at the page and her name for what seemed like hours. I did not want to open a new window or even move my mouse because I thought that her name would fade away just like she did. But it did not fade. I worked up the nerve to click on her name and see her page. She is more amazingly, devastatingly pretty now than she ever was before. She is even more of a brilliant thinker. Ever more fucking side splittingly funny. She owns three clothing stores in Austin. How could someone so damn perfect get even better?
So I shoot her a friend request, which is accepted almost immediatley, followed my a message. In the funniest way possible, she was wondering what I have been up too for the past 450 years that we have not had contact. I replied and we have been talking ever since. Almost every day, sometimes until 4 am or even later. About all sort of things. Then we started to get emotional, and shit was getting heavy. Things would flow from light hearted and flirty to godless and dark. One time, she made a quip that was pretty hurtful, and I have thick skin, but her words were like a razor edged sword, wielded by a master.
After that I layed it all on the line. I told her everything dudes. Every pent up emotion that I have been dying to tell her since I was 14. I am sure that I do not have to tell you folks that that did not go over well at all. But we seemed to be able to get over it, and we actually talked even more after that. She even called it "our first fight." So time goes by and she gets really swamped with work stuff, and we don't talk as much. There is still at least one message every day. But it did not feel like enought to me.
So then, just tonight, she tells me that someone asked her out and she accepted. It felt just like it did all those years ago when I thought that she had a boyfriend. So, anyhoo....It is not like they are going steady or any such hoohah. So we start talking about relationships and I totally called her out on a few things. Point blank made her realize stuff about herself that she did not realize or did not want to own up to. I couldnt believe that someone actually got my point for a change. So we keep on talking about how she needs to start accepting invites to places more and stuff. I was actually convincing the Woman of my Dreams that she needs to date more people. That is how much I want her to be happy. I play wing man to someone who I want to be loved by. FUCKING SUCKER!!!!!
So, she realizes that I am right okay? Then I flat out ask her out. Bamn. Guess what happened...
She accepted the invitation and the date went so well tha she fell in love with me utterly and we are going to get married in September.
Just kidding fuckhead, this aint Hollywood.
She completely and totally ignored the question. It was like she started to bring up the weather and baseball stats. I can take rejection. But this was on a whole new level. I guess she was too busy laughing her ass into outer space to even acknowledge the question. She logged out right after. I am so goddamn muther fucking embarrassed. I don't know if I feel like weeping into a bottle of wine or scattering someone's teeth across the sand. Actually, it would be pretty cool and funny to do both simultaniosly.
What I really want is a hug....
and a short rope terminating in a loop just big enough for me to slip over my head.