Written May 27, 2010, Just something I dug up, I was bored.
wtf. i dunno what i'm about to write but i'm bored so why not. bored of this and just bored bored and so is everything i think or believe or stand for, i'm just bored. bored of it all, bored of the breathing and the untimely way i feel, like i'm not spose to be here right now or ever and in fact maybe never. this body doesnt feel right, tthese words dont feel right. nothing feels right anymore and it's just to relaxing to feel that evyerhint is ok when i know it's never goin to be so maybe what i'm saying could be a present but maybe it's just the complete opposite, cuz nothing that is ever really said or done is completely and forever theirs, or mine, or yours. or everyone's or even no ones. it is absolutely nobodys. that's what it is and that's what it will always be. and maybe you reading this right now is giving you this odd feeling that you shouldn't be reading this at all cuz it's just like, uhhh...it's like not even important or worthy of anything. but me typing all of this bs down, will it really release all this petty, fucking fucked up fuck up that's in my head, that is drilled inside, deep inside my brain? doubt it. fucking feelings. i'm tired of feelings, i hate them actually and i get so tired of them that i dont even want to feel any longer, and i hope it stays with me until the day i die and byond cuz really, feeling it is so yesterday, feeling anything is so far gone that i dont understand why i even bother feeling. bleh on the feelings, bleh on the fucking guilt that rips through my whole being every damn day i exist. and wouldnt ya know that others around me make me feel the very same way that i make me feel. that's why, i'm telling this, saying this, repeating this fucked up shit over and over again cuz it never seems to really resolve itself, does it? i just wonder, that's what i do. is wonder and wonder if i ever will be liked or even loved ever again. no, that feeling. ahhhh bleh on the feelings!!!!!! damnit, i'm trying to see how long it will let me keep typing and so far it hasnt stopped me, maybe that's how life is, maybe it truly never stops, we just THINK that it does cuz we cant take all of the pain in, if we knew everything, we would die or kill ourselves cuz the pain would be too intense to even bare. so yeah. anyways, i'll just stfu now.