I am not who you think I am.

Thu, Feb 2, 2012 at 6:32 AM By: Sunset_Tahoe

The things that I do. It's hard to explain. I write, listen to music, read car magazines, and other weird things that I do not care to disclose at this moment. It's like I sit there in a quiet room. So fucking loud. I can't make them shut the fuck up. Just everything I hear them say give me a migraine. Trying to function in school is nearly an option. I almost don't care if I graduate or not this year. I'm sick of everything. I have a great boyfriend who likes me for who I am. But I have many flaws that most of the world wouldn't want to deal with. Schizophrenia, severe depression, insomnia, and other weird shit I was told that I have the reason why I can't do shit. These motherfuckin doctors... They have tried to kill me many times! I take the meds they shove down my throat. I would have to say in my younger years I did abuse medications, but that was my only way I could compensate for my loss of my family and friends... And I was doing weed like crazy? Yeah I was only in second grade. Fuck. It's like my body does everything to kill it's self. I mean I take my meds seriously until I wind up spazzing out and almost having a fucking heart attack. Fucking stupid ass rednecks around here. I don't belong here, even though I was born here. I write a lot of songs in order to express those feelings I can't express verbally. I try... I can't do it cuz my brain don't work right. It never did, never will. I hate doctors because they have fucked up my life many times with medications that don't work. Why? I ask this question everyday, why do you people like me? Why do I have friends? What is so great about me? This mystery remains unsolved. Who, what will solve it? Another thing, I don't write songs to entertain the damn fucking world, that is the best way I can express the pain I have gone through and what I go through today. If any of this doesn't make any sense to you all, suck it people. Fine, think I'm fucked up and crazy, but these things that I hear that are not real affect what I say. I will shove my middle finger up your ass if one more person calls me crazy. I have done everything to try and make things right, but I have failed yet again. Fuck these people. Because I am not as smart and cool as you are doesn't mean I can't do shit. I can do something, whether or not it means anything to anybody, which is why I never really do anything anymore because my efforts are mostly wasted... I have my middle fingers up and ready for the world. I'd rather be a ghost and just float around, but one question it leads me to is who will take my place in the 3 lives that have "made a difference in"? Who cares....

  1. faceless2nameless avatar

    On Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 4:00 PM, faceless2nameless said:

    everyone has a reason for what they do. we are who we are and nobody has the right to destroy your right to live. you are someone important no matter how useless you may look at yourself at time we all have to go through shit but it is the way we transform that experience into a lesson learned and a way to appreciate our lives more in the end.. i may never exactly say that "i have been in your shoes" because that would be a lie.. nobody knows your kind of insight but you.. BUT what i can say is that i have been there, when you can't fall asleep or when you get paranoid of something, i even FEEL myself changing into someone else my double self might just seem to times itself and now i feel the different sides of me.. and yeah it can be taunting with everyone "seeming" like they are to get you but you HAVE to secure your ground.. know who you are even if there might be many of you.. and no one is perfect but no one is imperfect either.. your inner self counts wayyy more than anything it is the thing we treasure the most .. and if you ever need someone to just hear you out i'll be here.. i too felt the same way as you have many times but the best i could say it to "kill" the part that you yourself dont like.. not the wonderful person you are as a whole but the side of you that you feel is dragging you down.. we are all a working progressive but we got to put the effort to have the outcome that we hope to seek :)

  2. Killroy avatar

    On Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 8:35 AM, Killroy said:

    i've been instatutionalized and it was shit. they told me what i already knew. we are who we are and as fucked up as we might be we're the best at being us. i know i'll never understand everything and i'm not trying to say i know what you are going threw, it's clear i don't but if you ever need to talk i'm here. i've been threw.. things that might help me relate atleast a little. if you're thinking of leaveing this world behined send me a message and give me a day to answer it. i'm not always the best at checking this sight but there will be people you hurt more teariubly then you could of emagined if you do leave. i wonder every time i see myself y any one talks to me, y i have friends. i know i'm not atractive, i know i'm not good enough for any one. these things have been made quite clear to me, but i know that no one else can fill that void of not being enough as well as i can. you have perpose and you matter. i don't know you but i care about you because i know something of you. you're worth the efort.

  3. Anomaly avatar

    On Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 12:19 AM, Anomaly said:

    hmm, have you ever taken MBTI personality test? its quite accurate if your having trouble finding yourself ;)

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