How to Fail Commiting Suicide
Once open a time in my past, I had made the decision to kill myself. I was going to go out with a bang though. I had a little over a $1,000 in cash to spend, since dead men don't need anything in their bank accounts. I started the evening off by going out to eat at lovely greek restaurant that I had been to many times. I had my favorite meal there, and 4 or 5 drinks of liquid courage. My favourite waitress happened to be there and she picked that night of all nights to ask for my phone number, I told her I was "leaving town" that night, but gave it to her anyway. I was a little buzzed so my hand writing was even worse than normal. My tip was definitely excessive, $20 for a $35 meal, but I would be dead in a few hours didn't need the money.
My next stop was the movie theatre, I am pretty much addicted to cinema. I was determined not to die before I saw everything I wanted to that was in the theatre. Maybe I was just looking for an excuse to stay alive a few hours longer.
As I was walking to the theatre, a homeless man asked me for some money. I gave him $100 which he actually tried to give back to me, thinking it was a mistake. It is sad how honest people often are the ones with a tough break. I told him it wasn't a mistake and he was practically glowing as I walked away.
By the time I reached the theatre, I had processed his reaction and wanted more. I bought my ticket and then pulled out another $200. I asked the person selling the tickets to use the money to pay for the next 13 people's tickets, and then to keep whatever was left for herself. This caused quite a stir.
Let me tell you, if you want to have a ridiculously fun time for $100, go pay for peoples movie tickets. I felt like a war hero. The people behind me started applauding and thanking me while the theatre staff complimented me as well. one girl came up to me and said I was the coolest person she had ever met.
I never fall asleep in movies, but I did in this one because
A. The movie was in 3D and using the classes gave me a headache
B. It was notoriously boring
C. Alcohol makes me hella tired
After the movie, I found my way to some more alcohol and some goldfish, the undisputed champions of the cracker world. I was walking by a tanning salon, when I had the sudden urge to go tanning. This made absolutely no sense to me then or now, but clearly I was doing everything on impulse at that point.
The woman running the tanning place was a jerk. No tip for her.
After that, I walked to my favorite spot in the city. Here is a picture.
They actually filmed some of the movie Sucker Punch there. Anyway, I loved that pier. It was dark and raining when I went there so I was all alone. I sat there and drank the rest of the alcohol and attempted to eat the goldfish in the rain. I cried a lot. I wasnt going to leave a note or say goodbye to anybody. I had a knife I had bought earlier and was planning on sitting right on the pier, in the rain and slitting my wrists.
I don't know why but most people make small cuts before they go the whole way, I was no exception. I slid the knife over my cold wet arm and blood followed its tip. I hated the pain, but I hated the pain of living more. I was afraid to die and afraid to live.
But then I realized something. I still had more than half of my money still. I had done some pretty awesome things that day, and I could do all those same things tomorrow. What was one more day? I could always kill myself tomorrow. Why not touch one more persons life? Why not give somebody one more crazy memory before I go?
And that's why I am still here, posting one more blog.