Shit Happens

Sun, Nov 6, 2011 at 6:48 PM By: Tammie

SHIT HAPPENS
in various professions

Mathematician:
Shit happening is just a special case...

Statistician:
There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.

Physicist (Theoretical):
Shit should happen.

Physicist (Experimental):
To within experimental error, shit did happen.

Engineer:
I hope this shit holds together.

Chemist:
I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!!
Damn, this shit smells...

Biologist:
Is this shit alive?

Botanist:
What this daisy needs is some fresh shit.

Economist:
I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.

Bureaucrat:
I'm sorry, but we can't make this shit happen until you fill out form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...

CEO:
(1980's) I've got all the shit I want.
(1990's) Oh, SHIT!

Lawyer:
For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of any shit.

Doctor:
Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Yes, it's definitely a case of shit happening. $90, please...

Acupuncturist:
Hold still or it will hurt like shit.
Let all that shit go.
This will really get the energy shit moving.

Surgeon:
Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?

Psychologist:
Shit is in your mind.
Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.

Programmer:
It's shit, but at least it compiles.

Social Scientist:
Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...

Historian:
The same shit happens again and again.

Politician:
It's shit, but it'll get me elected.
If you elect me, shit will never again happen.
Shit happening is bad for the economy.
My Fellow Americans, all I stand for is shit.

Waitress:
You want fries with that shit?

Teacher:
Repeat after me: one shit + one shit =

Professor:
Let's see how crazy they'll be neck-deep in my shit.
Hey! I've got tenure! I don't give a shit about students.

Dean:
Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.

Accountant:
Why doesn't this shit add up?

Linguist:
What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri. (For non-Latin-speakers: feces tauri = bullshit)

Quality Control Inspector:
This shit ain't good enough.

Marketing:
This shit could sell, if only it came in different colors.

IRS Auditor:
I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.

Farmer:
I get subsidies for my shit.

Union leader:
Give us more shit or we'll strike.

Mafia boss:
Rub the little shits out.
I'll make him a shit he can't refuse.

New York City Cab Driver:
Oops, looks like I hit that shit...

Mechanic:
Shit ... this will cost a lot, mister.

Chef:
It needs some more of this green shit.

Musician:
This shit is out of tune.

Artist:
If Jesse Helms likes it, it is shit.
Shit, I wish I'd thought of that.
Anything you can buy for $2.99 isn't art, it's shit.

Poet:
My childhood was shit -- let me share.
Ode to a Grecian Shit.
My love is like a red, red shit.
... and miles to go before I shit, and miles to go before I shit...

Developer:
Shit happens on a daily basis, that's why we have maintenance programmers.

SHIT HAPPENS
to major corporations

NASA:
For a mere couple of billion dollars, we can make your shit disappear into space.

IBM:
Big Blue Shit.

Motorola:
Our shit is Six Sigma.

Apple:
We don't want this shit unless it makes a profit.
That shit looks and feels like our shit!

Microsoft:
NO! That shit looks and feels like our shit!

Intel:
Shit inside.

McDonald's:
You want fries with your McShit?

Taco Bell:
Shit, shit supreme!

GM/Saturn:
If it needs to be recalled, it's probably our shit.

Ford:
Our shit is Job One.
Have you had a shit lately?

BMW:
The ultimate shitting machine

Chevy:
The shitbeat of America

VW:
Fahrvershitten.

Toyota:
I love when you shit on me. (See also Masochism)

Volvo:
Our shit is boxy but it's good.

Sony:
Everyone wants our shit.

Coca-Cola:
It's the Real Shit.

Pepsi:
The shit of a new generation.

Wal-Mart:
We sell our shit for less, always.

  1. Illidan Kyael avatar

    On Thu, Dec 8, 2011 at 1:23 AM, Illidan Kyael said:

    Well in the end shit smells the same be from lord be from maiden so shit the fuk up and listen to korn

  2. Tammie avatar

    On Sun, Nov 6, 2011 at 11:36 PM, Tammie said:

    LOL OH SHIT!!!

  3. Burnt KoRn avatar

    On Sun, Nov 6, 2011 at 7:36 PM, Burnt KoRn said:

    Shit, That was a lot of shit about shit. Shit, its was funny shit though. I read the shit out of that shit!

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