I got baptized today. I was nervous this morning, and all the days before since sometime in January when I planned the date. I was thinking this morning how my old self would be reacting to my present self getting baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Past Jamie is saying "Dude, what the fuck are you thinking? You know that Christianity is just a crutch and some sort of self-help belief man made long ago.."
I was really wrong then, really wrong. When I got to the church, something welled up inside of my chest that felt whole and very, very peaceful. I was so at peace that my eyes started opening and shutting at an incredibly slow pace, like I was getting ready to fall into a deep sleep. It felt right, all of it did. No regrets, no bad vibes, it just felt like home.
The church was pretty big, the congregation even bigger. That made me nervous seeing all of these people I didn't know, but when I looked over at my family of more than 20, I felt much more comfortable and less antsy.
Getting into the baptism pool was so overwhelming. The preacher was across from me on the other side and we met in the middle. The whole congregation was staring, and I knew that there was kids from my school there watching me. That made me feel so much better, knowing that these kids from school were witnessing me, Jamie Sholar, getting baptized. In the beginning of the school year I was the Anti-Christ, and they would have never guessed. It made me feel good knowing that someone like me could be forgiven in such a way, and that I was being born again. The preacher held my hand, and said a few words to the people in the pews. I only heard 'the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit'. The preacher put a folded handkerchief over my mouth and nose, then I bent my knees like he instructed me earlier in the day and was dunked under. For some reason, I had my eyes open under the water. What I felt is far from euphoria. The blue water was gorgeous, and everything was clear, new, and perfect. Just perfect.
When I came out of the water, it was like I was coming from the womb again, which is the only way I know how to describe this, even though I can't possibly remember being born into this world. But I will always remember being born into Christianity. It was perfect and I feel very positive about my belief.
I have talked to few people about how I feel towards Jesus and my new faith, but to be able to get it out here feels more right to me for some reason, and like I might be doing something good.