The constant movement, struggle, and rotation of the world sets my mind ablaze. The constant parade of our society shouting demands from all people of all ages to look like this, talk like this, dress like this, believe in this, support this; if not, you're nothing. How sweet is that...?
The neverending battle between good and evil, which has an invisible origin, kills my nerves every day. It's like it makes me paranoid, asking myself constantly, "Am I believing in the right God?", "Am I acting like I'm supposed to in order to be a member of this spiritual group/organization?".....thoughts of 'not being good enough' or not believing in the 'right' thing. It's ridiculous really, but it's one of the things that shove me into my shell.
The attitude and hellion-like behavior of the people that surround me implodes my heart into a billion pieces. Why would you treat someone you don't even know, someone who's on a higher level than you, someone who's trying to help you, with complete and total disrespect? Why would you, maliciously and disgustingly, tear someone down like that? If I had it my way, the penalty for that shit would be immediate death. Maybe that's a tad harsh, but have you ever had this happen to you? How does it feel? Exactly...like fucking shit. Why the hell should it be ignored and not resolved? This society has no respect for anyone, it's all self-centered, materialistic, egocentric, idiotic, celibate, retarded ass mother fucking mindsets. I mean really, there is no more logic or common sense or what the hell ever you wanna call it, A FUCKING CONSCIOUS. There is none of that sort of material around here, no where to be found. Inhumane sons of bitches, is a way to sum up this whole paragraph. And also, my generation is fucked. (Class of 2016). We'll be the destruction of this planet, I'm almost 110% sure.
The dependency, ignorance, and a lack of gonads the people of this country have gives me horrid anxiety. All I can picture in my head when I think of it are clips and scenes from the documentaries I've seen about the Holocaust. Hitler had total control, with just the use of a microphone. I can picture America being completely put on lock down, with curfews, hella more laws and taxes, and many, many more law enforcement officials. The future of the world I live in terrifies me every day.
I feel misunderstood by everyone around me, like I am completely alone in this game. I get depressed a lot, and I tend to shelter myself indoors a lot of the time. I am not in counseling, because I don't like it. Counseling isn't for solving ALL your problems, it's to counsel you on the right/healthy paths you could take. But guess what, I don't give a fuck about the right/healthy things. I'm pretty damn sure no one else in this society does either. "Oh yea man! We're so healthy!" Bullshit. Food coloring that's cancerous? All the fucking radiation? The toxins in our air? All of our fucking trash floating around our precious earth and even goddamn outer space?? What the fuck. How about all of the people who die each year from drunk driving? The O.D cases? The amount of fucking suicides? Homicides? Mother fucking child abuse? Yea man, you're real healthy and totally doing the 'right' thing. Good job.
I don't understand why or how a parent would mistreat their child. It happens all over the world, but's that fact doesn't justify it. It makes it even more disgusting. That's your child, a part of you. You're supposed to cherish that human being who came from YOU. Why would you not take care of them, love them, support them, respect them, adore them, and be there for them every single waking moment? I don't understand how this dysfunctionality and grotesque behavior came into the world.
I struggle very hard to accept the realities of this world, and even stay in the confines of reality. I seem to slip off into my mind most of my time, and it's like my own little world. It's crazy.
I don't know if I need help or not. But who's to say these thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing are NOT normal? Not a goddamn one of you.