There Is No You, There Is Only Me
In the center of my being, there lies truth and love. Honesty and happiness, sincerity and a lot of compassion. But there are little dark spots around my being, like there is cancer cells around a healthy lung. Encircling, encompassing, and moving closer to the center; determined to suffocate whatever health/goodness is left. I get pulled down every once in a while. I can't stay strong for loved ones and friends forever. I will fall apart and cry once in a while.
My insides feel as if they've been churned and twisted by a meat grinder. This is the closest I have ever been and will ever get to expressing what's inside of me, and allowing others to witness.
I've done a good cover up job for a while. No one around me knows about my thoughts, and no one sees my tears. They don't know about my heart. I feel so lost and bruised sometimes, and I think of suicide. It's a temporary fix though, because I could never carry it out. I wish I could be thankful for what I have already and ramble on. Sometimes it's not that easy, and I've gotten to a point where I'm letting no one in. I can't trust anyone but myself. Who was there when I was rotting in a hole, drowning? Me. Who was there when I bled from self-destruction and cried over the little crimson drips? Me. Those that were around during my times of utter torment used me, abused me, or just left. I'm done with depending on anyone but Jamie. Others bring my tears.
"Yes, I'm alone. But then again I always was. Far back as I can tell I think maybe it's because, because you were never really real to begin with. I just made you up to hurt myself."