Tell me what you think!

Wed, Apr 24, 2013 at 3:28 PM By: pandemonium23

This is an original poem, and I wanted to know what you guys thought, make sure to comment.

Forever Gone:

A tear runs down your unseen face,
Racing towards the ground in a hurried chase,
Away from despair and safe in a beautiful place.

More and more race down,
Finally free from the depths of insanity,
Leaving you behind empty.

Nothing is left for you now,
As the tears run down,
Faster and faster until they reach the ground.

You wipe them away,
Catch them before they fall.

The tear in your scared hand reflects a man,
Hurt and alone,
He has never grown or been known.

And he realizes that he is all alone,
His tears cease,
Only to be followed by lonely shrieks.

His heart stands still,
As he kills the loneliness away.

And as he takes his final breath,
One last tear appears, and leaves a bloody lace down his face,
Dropping to the ground in a hurried chase.

Forever gone in a beautiful place.

  1. jayjay avatar

    On Fri, Apr 26, 2013 at 9:39 AM, jayjay said:

    Just pick up your guitar,(if you can play one, & if you got one) And away you go. Did you realy write that??? DEEP.=(

  2. frenchi avatar

    On Fri, Apr 26, 2013 at 7:47 AM, frenchi said:

    That is some deep stuff, and like mlukec said, the first and last lines really stand out.

    Nice work!

  3. mlukec avatar

    On Thu, Apr 25, 2013 at 5:01 PM, mlukec said:

    The emotion conveyed and the repeated lines in the first and last stanzas give the poem strength. Very deep. I would almost take something away from the middle to streamline it. It is a good poem; I apologize if I was more critical than you wanted.

  4. mlukec avatar

    On Thu, Apr 25, 2013 at 4:55 PM, mlukec said:

    It is nice. It made me think of Christian Grey, if Ana left him.

  5. Faust avatar

    On Wed, Apr 24, 2013 at 9:42 PM, Faust said:

    Wow. That is deep. Did you lose someone reccently?

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