I never fixed it, but here it is!!!

Wed, Jul 17, 2013 at 1:54 PM By: pandemonium23

Well, you know how I said I had a poem called "Artificial Light" and I was going to fix it because it just didn't sound right, well, I didn't get a chance to fix it, can't really think how to, but I wanted to show it to you guys, see what you think...Someone has tried to help me to make it better, but I am still stuck!

Artificial Light

Artificial light shines
bright right by my
side...

I need it to guide me
through life's dark
night...

But it makes me sickly
and white, it looks right
and gives me sight through
the most frightful plights,
but it drains me, and
devours my energy
insatiably...

I know I can't provide my own light,
So I plug the chord into my spine,
and watch it glow as my heartbeat slows...

I am always providing for my artificial light,
because if I don't it will surely die,
and I will be blind in a world with no guide
but my soul...which is much to weak and
afraid to become anything better than that
fraudulent illumination which created this
abomination with an obsessive fascination...

  1. SAFLove avatar

    On Thu, Aug 29, 2013 at 2:37 AM, SAFLove said:

    or this one: fisnish for the bottom of yours: fascination: of an illumination that is of a distance from me that i cant see or really know of, but from a meditaiton for the illumination of the light to come to me will i set me gaze on this meditation for a light for my guided meditation for my destination

  2. SAFLove avatar

    On Thu, Aug 29, 2013 at 2:27 AM, SAFLove said:

    or this version: illumination that is of a distance from me that i cant see or really know of, but from a meditaiton for the illumination of the light to come to me will i set me gaze on this meditation for a light for my soul~ to guide me rightly

  3. SAFLove avatar

    On Thu, Aug 29, 2013 at 2:17 AM, SAFLove said:

    fisnish for the bottom of yours: fascination: of an illumination that is of a distance from me that i cant see or really know of, but from a meditaiton for the illumination of the light to come to me will i set me gaze on this meditation for a light for my guided meditation

  4. jayjay avatar

    On Fri, Jul 19, 2013 at 11:56 AM, jayjay said:

    From what Twisted transistor said, I thought the very same, & I didn't know she had written her comment until I strolled down. I feel the same way, This is magical. Love it.=)

  5. Twisted Transistor avatar

    On Fri, Jul 19, 2013 at 9:17 AM, Twisted Transistor said:

    Sounds similar to my aspirations that make me quite dizzy at times within my mind, but never to let go because with them I have peripheral visiĆ³n
    and expansive possibilties that may or maynot come true, but I do not care, because its just another antidote to strive and survive.

    Artificial light, love it!

  6. Silent Metal avatar

    On Wed, Jul 17, 2013 at 11:44 PM, Silent Metal said:

    I loove this poem, it's melancholy, yet relaxed and has undertones of hope. It could also have myriad meanings. I don;t think it really needs any 'fixing', but I'm no poet ;).

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